This is the second blog in this mini series.
For ease of reference and background understanding, I reproduce the saying here, with its explanation, for those who have not started with the first blog in this mini series.
心有餘悸 / 心有余悸
xīn yǒu yú jì
"heart has remaining palpitations"
This saying approximates to PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder).
(from googling) 心中仍留有余悸，形象地描绘了人在遭受惊吓事件后，那种残余的恐惧或不安感。这是更贴切地描述 PTSD 患者内心感受的表达。
(google translate) Quote The lingering fear vividly depicts the residual fear or unease a person experiences after a frightening event. This is a more accurate description of the inner feelings of PTSD patients. Unquote
After a few years of interruption by Covid and the lockdown, I was invited again to Christmas dinner hosted by a gay couple who live in north London, like me. The other couple are friends of even longer standing. The place is walkable from my flat.
A second invitation then surfaced from an elderly couple who live in south London, a long way from me. They live alone, with their two sons on the other side of the world, so I felt sorry for them, and got out of the north London invite just to keep them company.
I'd been helping the old couple out for a number of years: started off as a massage for the wife's sprained ankle (with follow-up sessions, all free), then weeding and pruning their garden, after which it got stretched to housesitting for three months each time (for which they never offered a penny, but I don't start out helping people in expectation of repayment anyway).
I then discovered that they weren't going to be spending Xmas on their own after all. Their Eastern European handyman and his family (wife and four children) were coming as well. So, they had plenty of company, and I wasn't needed at all then.
The elderly husband is not interested in (and doesn't do) any socialising at all, apart from saying hello, so I thought I'd help out at the meal by asking the Eastern European guests how they spend Xmas in their own country (which day, what kind of food is eaten), just to liven things up a bit.
This was later called "dominating the conversation", when I overheard the husband complaining to the wife about me asking the Eastern Europeans questions about their cultural practices. (So, I should've just followed his lead and sat there quietly throughout the day. Lesson learned -- except that I won't be putting my new skills into practice, because I won't be going to that house again, having been treated so shoddily and unjustly.)
This elderly husband is a workaholic, and spends all his time at his computer and telephone running his property empire. He'd been spending the months prior to Xmas shouting down the telephone. Something to do with his property empire. I'd even expressed concern to the wife on more than one occasion (whenever I delivered their fresh fruit and veg, sourced cheaply by me and lugged all the way across London on public transport), saying that he'd end up having a stroke at the rate he was going.
So, by being there at Xmas, I ended up bearing the brunt of his stress and anger built up over months and months.
(And no, I did NOT know at the outset how rich they were, with six properties in four different countries, some left empty for most of the year. If I had known how rich they were, I'd have distanced myself as it's not my style at all at all to suck up to rich people, and also I'd know they'd be able to afford paid help. My starting point was that they were old and would therefore need help. Silly me, forgetting that money can buy a lot of things, so my free labour was wasted on the wrong people, the ones who didn't need it...)
The final eruption, this time not even behind my back, was when I tried to make what I thought would be interesting conversation to him.
He'd retained an empty 10L cooking oil plastic bottle for turning into a funnel -- he's into recycling, so am I.
I thought I could ask him how he was going to make it (how deep/shallow, etc.), what he was going to use it for, since he was an engineer and would therefore be pleased to shower some of his expert knowledge on me.
I'd only just started to say, "That funnel...," when he jumped in and started explaining about the little coffee funnel he was having trouble finding (must've been another source of irritation, now looking back in hindsight).
Realising he'd got the wrong end of the stick, I said, "I haven't finished my sentence yet."
I then got blasted with "YOU ARE SO RUDE!!!"
Huh?? Rude for saying "I haven't finished my sentence yet"?? What's so rude about that? And who was the rude one interrupting??
I went silent, went up to my room (no trains back to my flat as it was Boxing Day), and cried myself to sleep.
I'd turned down a fun Xmas meal elsewhere, with people who are sociable and welcoming, just to keep an old couple company because I felt sorry for them, but my presence was actually resented, and they had six other people to keep them company anyway. Silly me.
To top it all, I got shouted at, unfairly and as a guest, stuck under their roof because there were no trains back to north London. I cried myself to sleep, and left the next morning as early as I could.
The wife said, as I was getting ready to leave, that I got shouted at because he treated me as family: "That's what he does with his siblings." Wow, I should feel really honoured then.
I'd been their donkey for three years, providing free massages (hourly charge of £55–£75 an hour outside), free gardening, sourcing cheap and good quality fresh fruit and veg (heavy to carry, and all the way across London to boot), just to save them a few pennies here and there (no, I was not paid for my trouble).
This incident has put me off Xmas for life, not to mention helping old people out. (Certainly not people who have six properties in four different countries around the world, two of which I know for sure are left empty for the whole year, just for them to stay in for a fortnight or three months whenever they are visiting.)
This particular 心有餘悸 / 心有余悸 effect will stay with me for the rest of my life, I know. The unfairness of being shouted at and called rude for saying "I haven't finished my sentence yet" still rankles a year on. (Being trapped under their roof was also particularly traumatising, especially after everything I'd done for them -- free, for more than three years.)
(London, Xmas 2024)
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