Creative interpreting (London)

I was sent this in an email (I’ve left the English unedited):

QUOTE

An immigrant from China is applying for citizenship in Canada.  He is to be interviewed by a Canadian immigration officer.  He does not speak English well and knows nothing about Canada.  Therefore, he invited a special translator to help him in his interview.

Officer:  Do you know who was the first Prime Minister of Canada?

Translator:  ( in Cantonese)  The officer asked you, Where do you usually go if you want to eat hamburger?

Man:  (answered to the officer)  Oh..... McDonald  (the first prime minister of Canada is Sir John MacDonald.)

The officer nodded his head and then asked the second question.

Officer:  Could you tell me which province you're living in now?

Translator:  (in Cantonese)  The officer just asked you, What is the dirtiest thing in your nose?

Man:  (replied to the officer in Cantonese)  Ah..... Bay See (which means nose scum in Chinese. The man lives in the province of British Columbia, commonly known as B.C.)

The officer added a current affair question,  “Who is the prime minister of Canada now?”

The translator speaks in Chinese,  “What's that part of the face below your lips and above your neck?”

Man replied “Har Per”. (which means chin in Chinese) (The current prime minister of Canada is Prime Minister Stephen Harper)

The officer nodded his head again and asked the final question.

Officer:  Do you know what your privilege is when you become Canadian?

Translator:  (in Cantonese)  The officer asked you, How does a dog sounds like when it barks?

Man:  (demonstrated the sound to the officer)... Woe, Woe.  (Vote, Vote.  One of the privileges of a Canadian is the right to vote.)

The officer told the man that all the questions were answered correctly, shook hands with him and congratulated him that he had passed the interview to be a Canadian citizen.

UNQUOTE

When I was working at the Sino-British Trade Council (SBTC) — now China Britain Business Council (CBBC) — in 1985 and 1989, I heard this account of how one of their staff members, Philip, had once handled interpreting for two gentlemen oddly paired up for a conversation.

For inward missions (delegations from China visiting British factories and companies), SBTC would throw a reception on the last day and invite British businessmen to come along and meet the Chinese delegates.  To network, as we’d say these days.

On the occasion in question, the Chinese delegation consisted of ministers and high-ranking officials.

Philip found himself with a most enthusiastic British businessman and a Chinese gentleman.  Let’s call the British gentleman Mr Smith and the Chinese gentleman Mr Li.

Smith:  Can you ask Mr Li what he thinks of this visit of theirs?

Philip had discovered, when the introductions were being made, that Mr Li was only the bodyguard of one of the high-ranking officials, so he wouldn’t be particularly interested in how well the visit had gone in terms of trade opportunities between Britain and China.

Philip (in Chinese):  Mr Li, do you like sport?

Li (face lighting up):  Oh yes!  I do like sport.

Philip (to Smith):  Mr Li thinks this visit had gone very well.

Smith (getting excited):  Oh good!  Can you ask Mr Li what he thinks of future trading prospects between Britain and China?

Philip (in Chinese):  Mr Li, you said you like sport.  What kind of sport?

Li (beaming):  Oh, lots!  I like basketball, volleyball, table tennis, athletics, ice-skating.

Philip (to Smith):  Mr Li thinks future trading prospects between China and Britain are very good.

Smith:  Excellent!  Can you ask Mr Li which particular sectors he thinks will do well.

Philip (in Chinese):  Mr Li, do you actually participate in those sports you mentioned, or are you just a keen spectator?

Li (enthusiastically):  Oh, I actively participate in all of them.  Being a bodyguard, I have to keep fit, you see.  And I feel good after doing all those activities.

Philip (to Smith):  Mr Li thinks that the textiles industry will do very well, as Britain has a long history in textile production.  The light industries will do well too, he thinks.  

Mr Smith and Mr Li both went away from the reception feeling they’d had a very interesting conversation with each other.

(London, early 1980s)