Giving people a chance to give too (London)

Whenever I went away on holiday, I’d bring back something for then-landlord and landlady, Fred and Nora:  chocolate from Switzerland, caviar from Sweden.

One day, Nora gave me a little bottle of red wine that she’d got free on her flight back from their timeshare in Portugal.  

In my typical-Chinese-politeness way, I immediately protested, “Oh no, keep it for yourself!”

She said, “YOU are always giving people things.  You must let people have a chance to give you something sometimes.”  Yes, indeed. 

Since then, I’d relate this story to people, especially when I’m giving them a free massage, and say,  “Thank you for accepting my massage and making me feel useful.”

(London, 1980s onwards)

Timing it right (London)

Staff lunch at the Chinese community centre.  Bobby the raconteur was telling story after story about being a civil servant in Hong Kong.  

I said to the group (all from Hong Kong) that it should’ve been video’d as it was all so witty.  One of the staff said to me, “You seem to be able to understand all the profound Cantonese expressions he uses.”  

I said, “Not really.  I just know how to laugh at the right moments.”

(London, 2022)

Miracle!! (London)

Dementia lady has so far worn a dead-eyed down-in-the-mouth look.  I’d thought when I first saw her some six months ago that she disliked me — gave me this dead-eyed down-in-the-mouth look when I smiled at her.  I only found out later that she had dementia.  Then the husband said she had lost strength in the left leg, which is why he asked me for a massage for her — not for her dementia.

Thursday, I gave her another massage: 5th leg massage and 3rd sciatic point massage.  Hubby said her sleep has improved with my massages.  

She even started to join in a bit of the karaoke singing, seeming to remember something.

When they walked past me as they were leaving, she actually raised a hand (slightly) and waved at me with a smile!!!

(London, 2022)

How to get children to eat their food: 02 (London)

The two boys (aged 7 and 4.5) that I babysit now and then will take ages to finish their food.  (Confession: I was a difficult eater myself as a child — taking ages over half a bowl of rice.)

They also often say the portions are too big and they can’t finish it all.

One day, I decided to try a new trick.  With a spoon, I drew a line down the middle of the lasagne they were having for dinner that evening, and said, “You eat this half, I’ll help you with the other half if you can’t eat it, OK?”  Readily and eagerly accepted, and they started eating.

Half way through the meal, their spoon crossed the line a bit into the other half.  I said, “Oh!  Your spoon’s touched that half now, so you’ll have to eat it, since I won’t.”

(London, 2022)

Friendly Oriental-looking people (London)

The Chinese, especially the southerners in my own experience, often come across as abrupt (or worse: rude and aggressive).  

I put it down to the Chinese language, especially the southern dialects, having harsher sounds (and intonations for Cantonese), which is jarring to Westerns.  As with accents being transferred to a foreign language (e.g., Spaniards speaking English with a Spanish accent), so this harshness gets carried over to English spoken by a Chinese person, resulting in the speaker sounding very abrupt.

The Chinese are also not always immediately friendly.  They seem to work to two extremes:  unfriendly when they don’t know you, but very warm and welcoming when they do.  This is my own personal generalisation.

The Chinese community centre where I teach Mandarin and English has a group of ladies from Hong Kong who play cards in the morning at one of the lunch tables.  One day, I approached the table as my student Sui was sitting there.  The three ladies looked up.  So fierce and unwelcoming was the look on their faces that I immediately backed off and went to another table.

I have encountered friendly Oriental-looking people, however — on buses, at bus stops.  They make eye contact, smile (which causes me to do a double take), and even say hello.  

Soon, I discovered what they are:  either Filipinos (I look like one myself, or an American Indian when in Peru), who are usually friendly, or Christians trying to get me to go to their church, or follow their branch of Christianity.

(London)

Banana skin: 02 (London)

The ping pong players at the Chinese community centre bring in a lot of food to share: fruit, biscuits, cake.  The kitchen downstairs gives them the unfinished soup from lunch.

One day, one of the players was eating a banana when I said, “Don’t throw the skin away, give it to me.”  

He asked why, so I told him the story about the time I asked my full-time BA students at the university for their banana skin.  Up shot their eyebrows: "Why do you want the skin?"  I said: “The university pays me too little.”

Since then, it’s become a joke between me and this particular ping pong player: he gets to eat the flesh, I get the skin.  He’d wish me each time he gave me his skin: “Enjoy your dinner!”

(London, 2008 & 2022)