Choosing to share or not: 03 (A dollop of ice cream)

At the church dinner this week, there was actually some ice cream with the dessert.

    This church dinner, on Wednesdays, is for the homeless and those on low income, but everyone else is welcome. The homeless people then sleep in the church for the night while the rest of us go home.

    Dinner is a set offering every week:  a main course of roast chicken (with gravy), plain rice and boiled veg (usually peas, sometimes with a bit of broccoli).  The first course of lentil soup has been taken off, maybe because it's a winter dish?  The dessert has been apple crumble with custard in the last five months that I've been dining there (not every Wednesday), but last week, it was plum-and-berry crumble, no custard.  This week, a scoop of ice cream as well -- for the first time (in my experience anyway).

    The Somali woman next to me (in her 50s??) was delighted, I could see from her face, so when second helpings of crumble were dished out, I offered her my scoop of ice cream.

    She tried to decline, not wishing to appear to be greedy (especially since we'd only just met), which is very similar to the Chinese practice / upbringing.  I could tell, though, that it would make her very happy -- even though it was only a dollop.

    To get her to agree, and to assuage her feeling of appearing to be greedy and selfish, I said, "It gives me greater enjoyment to let you have my share of the ice cream than eating it myself."

    It convinced her.  She was very touched, and accepted it.

    Her enjoyment was my reward.  A small kindness goes a long way -- for both sides.

(London, 2026)

Chinese sayings: 51 (破罐破摔)

破罐破摔

pò guàn pò shuāi

"broken jar broken hurl"

This means the jar is already broken anyway, so it won't make much difference if it was hurled to the ground (and got smashed) -- won't make things any worse.

(from googling) 

Quote 

“破罐破摔” (pò guàn pò shuāi) 的意思是比喻人有了缺点、錯誤或遭受挫折後，不思改進，反而任其自流，甚至故意往更壞的方向發展，表現出自暴自棄、放任自流的態度，有貶義色彩。

Unquote

(google translate) 

Quote 

The idiom "破罐破摔" (pò guàn pò shuāi) means that when a person has shortcomings, makes mistakes, or suffers setbacks, they do not try to improve but instead let things go as they please, or even deliberately let them develop in a worse direction. It shows a self-destructive and laissez-faire attitude and has a derogatory connotation. 

Unquote

I was helping out at a community church that serves lunch to homeless people every Monday.

    A diner there left her plate that was absolutely groaning with food about 70% untouched, so I asked, "Are you not going to eat anymore?"  Nope, she said, without showing even a shred of regret that she was wasting all this food.  I asked, "Would you like a box to take it away to eat later?"  Nope, she said, again with no expression of regret that she was going to let it be binned.  Her body language said:  can't be bothered.

    Wasting food is bad enough for anyone, but for someone who probably doesn't know when her next meal would be, it's even more shocking.

    I mentioned this to a mainland Chinese friend, who then said, 破罐破摔.

(London, 2025)

Moral dilemma

 

One of my reservations about giving money to homeless people is that they might spend it on alcohol or drugs.

    I often play the devil's advocate to the stance people take on any subject, especially with my students as part of the lesson (for language usage and articulation).

    As a Libran, always trying to see the other side of the argument, I do it to myself as well.

    On the subject of homeless people buying alcohol or drugs, my devil's advocate question to myself is:  "What's wrong with that?  Their lives are miserable enough, so who are we to say they shouldn't try and numb the pain in this way?  If they prefer emotional painkillers to food, it's their choice."

    It's not always easy to stand that far back and distance oneself that much, though.

    Someone I know who's been on state benefits for years went and got a tattoo with "the money that the government owed me".  Owed her!?  I was shocked by her attitude: it's money the government owed her.

    She gets free housing, and the rest of the state benefits package, yet she buys expensive snacks (note: snacks, not staples) for her two dogs -- things like dried liver sausage (which googling tells me is £10–£35 per kg).

    Am I to tell myself that I shouldn't object to her spending my tax money on a tattoo and expensive dried liver sausage snacks for her two dogs (among other things -- a long list)?