Chinese sayings: 59.1 (施不望報 / 施不望报: Can I use your landline phone?)

Case study 1 for my wondering why I should feel hurt having the door slammed in my face when I needed help from the people I'd been helping for a long time, unstintingly.

    Someone in her 80s (let's call her Wang Meiling) said to me one day that her husband was in pain from sciatica.  Being me, I instantly leapt into action, going to her house to give him massage.

    Upon arrival, I was asked if I could also give her son one:  nothing serious, just a bit of wear and tear from being 48 years old, mainly bad back.

    Then it was herself as well:  all sorts of aches and pains, all over, from head to feet.

    Yes, it did have that whiff of the hitchhiker's trick to it, but I went along with it as I'm passionate about healing and pain relief, and helping people.

    (For those who might not know:  a female hitchhiker in a skimpy dress or pair of shorts thumbs a lift.  When the car stops for her, out from behind the bushes jumps a chap [who might not have been so successful].)

    And yes, I didn't have to let myself continue to be used, by not returning after that first visit.  However, my upbringing has been:  施不望報 / 施不望报 / shī bù wàng bào / give without expecting anything back.  This is an old couple who needed help in pain relief (and moral/emotional support), I was able to provide it -- my upbringing has instilled in me that I can't walk away.

    She never offered any monetary payment, and I never broached it, not even to let them know how much it'd cost them if they were to go outside for their massages, never mind have someone go to their home.  All they had to do was wait in the comfort of their own home, no travelling to do, no petrol to spend on their journey there and back.  

    I often arrived with fruit that I'd buy from a stall en route, because my upbringing says never arrive empty handed, even though I was doing them a favour.

    so I was spending at least three hours, often longer, of my time relieving three people of their aches and pains nearly every Sunday, plus money bearing gifts as if it was a social call.  (She did invite me to stay for dinner.)

    (For reference:  massage shops charged around £55/hour to £75/hour, the last time I looked two decades ago.  Yes, I'm aware that these businesses have to pay rent and other overheads.)

    I'm not very good at asking for help, so when I do, it's because I'm desperate.

    One January, I was doing my tax returns, and needed to make a call to my bank in Singapore for something.  

    Calls to institutions often take a long time (one has to explain what one wants from them, they then have to go and look it up, and so on).  

    I thought it might be much less expensive to make that long distance call from a landline number, which I don't have.  So, I phoned this Wang Meiling, explaining that I was desperate for time, and very stressed out over my tax returns, and asked if I could go to her house and use her landline number for this.

    Back came a very hesitant:  "Oh, I don't know..."

(London, 2024)