Some Chinese practices: 10 (Table manners.2: Do not be selfish)

 

Another rule with regard to helping oneself to the food in the middle of the table is:  one does not pick up food from the far end of the plate, as this denotes selfishness.

    The far end is the inconvenient end, therefore it must mean that it's a particularly good morsel for you to stretch out to the other side.  You are, therefore, being selfish by picking out that piece for yourself.  (However, picking out a particularly good piece of food is the right thing if you're giving it to someone else, especially if it's someone in the older generation -- you're showing your filial piety or respect for your elders.)

    We were taught as children that if you really want that specific piece of food, then at least choose with your eyes first:  identify the piece you want, then dive straight in (no poking around), so that it's not so obvious.

    The MA Bilingual Translation group I was teaching in the late 90s decided to take the teacher out for a Chinese meal.  It was a course for Chinese-speakers, so they were from (in alphabetical order) China, Hong Kong, Malaysia and Taiwan.  The white British boyfriend of one of them decided to come along, although it was a teacher-student meal.

    We ordered a mixture:  some dim sum dishes (dumplings), and some fried noodle dishes, one of which was seafood fried noodles.

    At one point, I caught the boyfriend poking his own chopsticks around the seafood noodle dish, turning over the noodles, the topping ingredients and the gravy.  When I asked him what he was doing, his reply was, "I'm looking for the squid."

    That was a double offence:  he was not only being selfish, looking for a particular ingredient (I also noted that squid is expensive and not so common an ingredient), he was also poking his own chopsticks (which had been in his mouth countless times up to that point) among the noodles and topping ingredients to find the squid.  (Of course, I refused to touch the dish after that.)

    He turned up yet again for another teacher-student Xmas meal a few months later when I'd taken on his girlfriend to teach one of my evening programme language modules.  Once again, as a total outsider to a teacher-student meal.

    Yep, he did the same thing again:  poked his chopsticks around the seafood noodle dish, "looking for the squid" yet again when I asked him what he was doing.  He even complained to the rest of the group (my students, who didn't know him at all) that I'd told him off once before for the same thing.  (Some people just don't seem to learn.)

    The Chinese would immediately blame his parents for his selfish behaviour.  I certainly noted that the girlfriend didn't do anything about it, although she's from the Chinese culture and therefore knows the code of behaviour.  She'd let him do it not once but twice.  I dread to think what their children might be like...

Why 王八 wáng bā for “tortoise / scoundrel”?

 

Over my decades of teaching Mandarin Chinese, I noticed that students (especially the male ones) had either already learned a few rude words (swear words, insults) before they started to learn Chinese, or were keen to be acquainted with them, as if that was a measure of how un-textbook their Chinese is.

    One of those rude words is 王八 wáng bā for “tortoise; cuckold; male brothel-owner”.

    The “tortoise” bit is easy enough to explain:  

• The plastron (underside part) of the tortoise looks like the character 王 wáng / king; surname Wang
• The two ends (with the legs sticking out at an angle) look like the character 八 bā / eight.  

It’s a term used by ancient northern Chinese people for referring to the tortoise.

    But why does “tortoise” in this context have a derogatory connotation?  

    According to my superficial research, 王八 was originally a scoundrel called 王建 Wáng Jiàn, nicknamed 王八 Wang No.8 by people as he was the eighth child.  So, there’s the link between 王八 and 王八蛋 “scoundrel egg” / bastard.

    Another angle on it is:  during the 明清 Ming Qing (1368–1911) times, 王八 wáng bā / “Wang No.8” became 忘八 wàng bā / “forget eight”. 

    忘八 wàng bā / “forget eight” refers to forgetting the eight moral virtues of 孝悌忠信禮義廉恥 / 孝悌忠信礼义廉耻 xiào tì zhōng xìn lǐ yì lián chǐ, or forgetting the eighth moral virtue of 耻 chǐ / [sense of] shame.  

1. 孝 xiào / filial piety (one’s duty towards one’s parents and ancestors)
2. 悌 tì / love and respect for one’s elder brother(s) (note the gender- and positioning-specific element; one doesn’t need to exercise this quality of behaviour towards one’s younger male siblings nor female ones, both older and younger)
3. 忠 zhōng / loyalty 
4. 信 xìn / trustworthiness
5. 禮/礼 lǐ / propriety, etiquette
6. 義/义 yì / [sense of] justice, moral righteousness
7. 廉 lián / honesty, integrity
8. 耻 chǐ / [sense of] shame

If one has forgotten the eight moral virtues, then one deserves to be called a scoundrel.  If one has forgotten the eighth moral virtue of 耻 chǐ / [sense of] shame, then one is shameless.