My third sister had been the most timid and lacking in assertiveness of all the five children in the family.
One day she told me about the change of behaviour in her before and after marriage.
She’d go to work by bus in the morning, which was always packed, as it was peak hour. No MRT (Mass Rapid Transport, Singapore’s version of the Tube or Metro) in those days in Singapore.
The practice in those days was for the conductor to move up and down the bus, stop at each passenger and ask, “How much?” Fares were determined by the distance of the journey.
One day, the conductor kept overlooking her on his way up and down the bus until much later. When his attention was finally drawn to her, he recognised her as having been on the bus for a while, and shouted at her, accusing her of trying to fare-dodge. My sister had had her money ready in her hand from the moment she got on the bus so it was a gross injustice, not to mention terribly humiliating being shouted at in front of so many people. She told me, “I didn’t have the courage to speak up in front of everyone, not even in my own defence against a wrongful accusation, so I remained silent.”
Fast forward to after she was married (at age 21, which is a young age in Eastern eyes in terms of status). Same journey to work. Same bus, same conductor, same situation. This time, she answered back, “I’ve been standing here with my money ready all this time. It’s not my fault you never saw me!”
She said to me, “I don’t know how I found the courage to answer back, and in front of all those people, too. It must be because now that I’m married, I feel more grown-up and assertive.”
(Singapore, 1970s)
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