Throughout my life, I’ve suffered endless occasions of having things foisted on me by Chinese people and accepting because I don’t have the same level of tenacity as the offerer. Giving in and accepting requires much less effort.
My latest run-in on this score was with a woman in her early 50s. I mention her age because it is my impression, and first hand experience, that older Chinese people are very insistent when they’ve decided they want to give you something. Whether you’d like it or not seems to be totally irrelevant to them. Even when you actually tell them to their face that you don’t like such things, they’ll still press it on you. Even when you make it clear that you’re not just being polite—cf. blog entry Chinese hospitality etiquette 01 on the ritual played out by host and guest in pressing and declining.
This happened a fortnight ago, which was fairly soon after the Mid-Autumn Moon Cake Festival.
The woman said she’d meant to bring in a particular type of moon cakes for me but had forgotten. I told her I hated them. Big mistake, for I was then dragged through the tedious ritual of being sold on the idea, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.
Eventually, in an attempt to stop her trying to ram the moon cakes down my throat, I said, “You must respect other people’s wishes.” Her answer was, “And you must respect my wish to give them to you.”
Maybe next time with people like that, I’ll accept, then bin their presents in their presence, so that I fulfil their desire and get my point across as well. I’m not being ungrateful or stubborn; it’s their insisting on ramming their taste down my throat that sticks in my craw.
(London, 2014)
PS: This is also inspired by Thomas, a Greek vegetarian, who said his aunt insisted on cooking him a meat dish when he visited her, on the basis that she couldn't possibly tell friends and neighbours she'd cooked him "nothing else but vegetables" — my paraphrase. So, it’s not just the Chinese then.
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