Thursday, 20 July 2023

Oxymoronic situation: 02 (Muting oneself) (London)


During an online Mandarin lesson with a group, one student’s side was producing a lot of noise (with her husband coming in to make coffee — it’s amazing how noise we often don’t notice can get amplified so much digitally), so she was asked to mute herself.  

    She then said, “OK, I’ve muted myself.”  

    Another student piped up, “How can we hear you if you've muted yourself?!?”

    Haha.


(London, 2023)


Update, 2024:  Another student in the group did the same thing the other week, saying, "I've muted myself.  Can you hear me now?"



Monday, 10 July 2023

Rocket post (India)

In the 70s and early 80s, my peers would take off, after graduating, to somewhere exotic (e.g., Far East, S.E.Asia, South America) and travel around (often for a whole year), before coming back to the UK and then start looking for a job.  

(From the second half of the 80s, people would start looking for a job even before they went into their final year.  Companies would do the Milk Rounds of universities, recruiting.  Google: Milk Round — a series of visits to universities and colleges by recruiting staff from large companies.)

After having done China, Hong Kong and Taiwan, Simon went to India for a few months, buying stamp albums along the way.  As they were heavy, Simon decided to post them back to England rather than lug them around India.  

He went into a post office in a small place (small town?).  This was the dialogue:


Simon:  I want to send these back to England by post.  What are the different ways, and which is the quickest?


Man at the Post Office (Simon narrated this bit with a heavy Indian accent, complete with the shaking of the head):  There’s sea mail, which is the cheapest but the slowest.  They can go by land as well, but the fastest is ROCKET!


Simon chose ROCKET.  

He got back to England some three months later, and the parcel still hadn’t arrived. 

A bit later, the parcel sent by ROCKET post finally reached England.  It was stamped all over — it had obviously worked its way up the chain, from small town post office to the next, bigger one, and so on, probably around half of India.  It was a little bit frayed at the edges, but nothing was missing otherwise.

(India, 1982? / 1983?)



Not authentic enough (London)

I took an English friend from SOAS (School of Oriental and African Studies) days, Simon, to the Indian YMCA canteen for lunch one year.  

    Simon had travelled around India for a while after he graduated from SOAS in 1980.  

    The moment he walked in, he sniffed the air, and said, "OH!  This smells just like India!"  

    Then, when he started to tuck into his chicken curry dish, he said, "No, it's not authentic enough — there's too much meat on the chicken…!"

(London, 1982? / 1983?)



Wednesday, 28 June 2023

The most expensive pistachio in the world? (London)


Being one who cannot sit still for long, I tend to snack while watching a film.   This means that I’m not totally mindful of what my hand is doing — it just moves automatically from snack to mouth. 

On one such occasion, the snack was pistachio nuts.  One of them was not completely opened.  I absent-mindedly used my teeth to crack it open.  Result?  A £126 bill from the dentist for a crown for the cracked tooth.  Expensive lesson, indeed, for not being a bit more mindful.

(London, UK, 2015?)

Thursday, 22 June 2023

Chinese sayings: 04 (聰明絕頂 / 聪明绝顶)

The Chinese saying 聰明絕頂 / 聪明绝顶 / cōngmíng jué dǐng / “clever bright extreme top” means “clever to the highest degree”.


絕 jué, however, also means "to cut off", e.g., 絕交 jué jiāo / to stop being friends (sever relations).


The pun-loving Chinese like to put a different spin on 聰明絕頂:  that the cleverness cuts off the top (part of the head), therefore to go bald.  


A Chinese friend says, “Everything stops growing on the top of the head (头顶 tóu dǐng) if someone knows too much knowledge” (李懿 / Li Yi, 2022).

Tuesday, 13 June 2023

Professional ignorance

Being a knowledge nerd, I always need to know the reason behind something, so am forever asking “why?” in real life anyway, but as a teacher, I do it even more, to get the students to talk.

During my one-to-one lessons with banker Alex, he’d check each time, “Do you really not know, or are you just trying to make me say it in Chinese?”

When I told current student Rosie (a retired teacher herself) about this, she came up with the term “professional ignorance”.  Haha, brilliant.

"kena" in Singlish

Helping out a Singaporean couple with their gardening, I'm trying to re-house the water cress I'd given them last year from a makeshift bed (thick plastic lining bottom and sides) into pots for sitting in a tray of water (for constant supply of water and to stop the snails and slugs from getting to them).  


Asked the wife which of the pots I could use.  She said, "Better ask the boss, or might get told off if we use the wrong pots."  


This is a case of kena, the passive marker for being at the receiving end of something not nice, so "to kena V" = English: to be verbed.  So one would say, “You’re going to kena scold. / I kena scold for not checking first.”  As it’s used so much, and Singlish coming about because people are lazy speakers, it just gets reduced to kena: “You’re going to get kena.” (Sort of equivalent in English: “You’re going to get it.”) 


Asked my RI (Raffles Institution) classmates to confirm that I'd got it right (since I never spoke good Singlish and have been away for so long).  Boo Tat came back, saying: 

Quote 

You must add the verb if you want to be specific eg “you sure kena whack”.  You leave open if it is a follow up of a consequence ie “You sure kena!”

Generally, if you gotten into some shit, you can say “kena Sai!" Credit must go to my daughter. I first heard her saying “kena Sai” whenever she got into trouble as a kid!! 

Unquote


wikipedia says:

Borrowed from Malay kena (“to be struck, hit, affected by”).

Pronunciation[edit]

Verb[edit]

kena (indeclinable) (Manglish, Singlish)

  1. To experience, receive, suffer, get or be affected by (something negative).
    He kena fine $10.
  2. Used before a verb to indicate the adversative passive voice.
    My job application kena rejected.
Usage notes[edit]
  • In Singlish, kena exclusively denotes negative effects. For neutral or positive effects an alternative such as tio must be used. This does not apply in Manglish.

NB: Singlish = Singapore English; Manglish = Malaysian English