Some Chinese practices: 13 (explaining discordant relations)

 

I grew up hearing this expression being used for explaining dysfunctional families (or discordant human relations):

有的人是來討債的、有的人是來還債的

有的人是来讨债的、有的人是来还债的

yǒu de rén shì lái tǎo zhài de, yǒu de rén shì lái huán zhài de

Some people have come [into this world / life] to seek repayment of a debt, some to repay a debt

    This is often useful in helping me come to terms with (not necessarily accepting willingly, though) people behaving badly, especially if I'd been helping them and they then abandon me when I need their help. (I rarely ask for help, by the way, so when I do, it's usually out of desperation.)

    I say to myself, "I must've done something bad [especially but not exclusively to them] in my previous life, so I'm paying back in this one."

    There's a word in the Hokkien (福建 / Fujian) and Teochew (潮州 / Chaozhou) (S.E. Chinese) dialects for an offspring, usually a male one, who brings ruin to the family:

討債仔 / 讨债仔

tǎo zhài zǎi

(Hokkien reading) thó-tsè-kiánn 

(Teochew reading) tó-ziêh-giá

"seek debt[repayment] child/son"

(from googling)

通常指敗家子、浪費錢財的人或消耗家庭資源的人。它源於台語，形容人不珍惜財物、無節制浪費，有「敗家」、「不長進」的貶義色彩。在語境中，它也可用來形容令人費心、帶來負擔的人。

通常指败家子、浪费钱财的人或消耗家庭资源的人。它源于台语，形容人不珍惜财物、无节制浪费，有“败家”、“不长进”的贬义色彩。在语境中，它也可用来形容令人费心、带来负担的人。

(google translate) It usually refers to a spendthrift, a person who squanders money, or someone who drains family resources. Originating from Taiwanese, it describes someone who doesn't cherish money and wastes it without restraint, carrying a negative connotation of "spendthrift" and "unambitious." In context, it can also be used to describe someone who causes trouble and becomes a burden.