Paying back / Paying forward

Have been helping Francesca with her job application.  She keeps expressing gratitude, saying she owes me lots. 

My reply to her:

The half-full way of looking at it is:  you’ve made an old lady feel useful.

I used to come back from my travels with little presents for my landlord Fred and landlady Nora: caviar from Sweden, chocolate from Switzerland, etc. 

One day, she came back from Portugal (where they had a time-share place), and gave me a small bottle of wine, the type we get on flights, so I knew it was free.  Still, it’s the thought that counts, not the cost.  In my Chinese-upbringing way, I immediately said, “Oh no, keep it for yourself!”

She said, “You are always giving people things.  You should let people have a chance to give you something back.”

I will always remember that.  By accepting something (a gift or help), we are giving the giver the joy of giving.

So, by letting me help you, you are making me feel useful.  I owe you too!

A phrase that’s started to pop up in the last decade (or two?) is, “I’ll pay it forward.” We usually try to “pay it back”, but it’s not always possible (can’t find the giver, e.g.).  What’s good about this approach is that passing the kindness onwards spreads it out more, rather than just between the two parties, so more people benefit.