How to get children to eat their food: 01 (London)

Dinner trick I played on the boys (James, aged 7, and William, 4.5) I was childminding last night:

Asked them around 5pm if their dinner time was the same as during term time (5:30pm).  They said they weren’t hungry (I’d given them apple around 4pm). I said maybe dinner around 6.  James said he wasn’t hungry at all.  William echoed it.

At 5:30, I asked again, got the same answer, so I said I was going ahead and eating without them.

When I went back into the living room with my food, saying what a good cook daddy was and how yummy the food was, they changed their minds immediately. 

Not only that, they then asked for a second helping — same amount as the first, they said!

When they started to lose interest half way through the second helping, I said they shouldn’t have asked for a full second helping, that I shouldn’t have believed them, that I wouldn’t make the mistake of believing them again, that they should stick to their word, that trust is important.  

James the negotiator then backtracked and said he would eat it, but later.

When William wanted me to play ball, I said, “Food first, then I’ll play ball.”  

This way, I managed to get them to finish their food, feeding them spoonful by spoonful.

(London, 2022)

See also:  https://piccola-chinita.blogspot.com/2011/10/trick-or-treat.html 

Chinese grown-ups' consolation for children/others

Throughout my life, I’d be the first port of call for mosquitoes — in any country.  I react very badly to mosquito bites: they’d swell up into a hard, hot, itchy lump.  In Finland, after an al fresco meal at my friends’ summer house, I got back to my hotel to find both legs covered in bites.  I counted them: 37 on one leg, 34 on the other.  The lumps merged into each other.  I looked like I had elephantiasis.  As a child, the grown-ups would offer the consolation:  you have intelligent blood.

If you’re vertically challenged, they’d say it’s because you’re extra clever.  All your energies have gone into developing your brain power, so the rest of your body is deprived.

Ditto if you start to lose your hair.  There’s a Chinese saying 聰明絕頂 / 聪明绝顶 / cōngmíng jué dǐng / “clever bright extreme top”.  It means “clever to the highest degree”, but the pun-loving Chinese like to put a different spin on it: that “everything stops growing on the top of the head (头顶 tóu dǐng) if someone knows too much knowledge” (李懿 / Li Yi, 2022).

Even the dog has to do it (Singapore)

A very sharp-eyed PhD student from China made the observation that I always eat my food in such a way that leaves the plate totally clean.

This brings to mind what I used to do with my pet dog, Bear Bear.

In our family (not sure if other Chinese families do the same thing), we’d feed our dog and cat rice and some fish/meat and veg.  Not really a deliberate choice: there was no commercial dog food in those days; the (southern) Chinese diet is practically always rice-based, so the family pets got what the rest of the family ate.

I’d stand by my dog Bear Bear and make sure he finished all his food.  I’d point out the grains he’d not picked up, “Here, you missed this one,” and he’d eat it.  I’d then point out another one, “There, you missed that one,” and he’d eat it — every single one until the dish was completely empty.  Such a compliant dog, putting up with me and my fussiness!

(London, 2022 / Singapore, 1960s–70s)

Students making mistakes (London / Paris)

Student in Paris has been missing lessons here and there for various reasons (health, etc.), and is starting to forget more and more of her Chinese (and English since she moved back to Paris because of Brexit).

As she’s 78, I think it’s already remarkable that she should want to be carrying on at all with the gruelling routine of learning Chinese.  I’ve always said, “It’s attitude, more than aptitude, that counts.”

During last week’s lesson, as she was discovering more gaps in her Chinese, she started to apologise.  

My attitude about students learning Chinese is that unless they’re taking an exam, in which case they’ll just have to knuckle down and get on with it, what’s most important is for them to enjoy the learning.  

With this student, the most elderly in my current small clutch, it’s even more important that she should not be reminded yet again of her failing memory.

So, to help lift her out of her depression about this, I said to her, “If students don’t make mistakes, I’ll be out of a job!”

She laughed — long and loud.

(London / Paris, 2022)

True charitable spirit: 01 (London)

I teach Mandarin and English at a north London Chinese community centre, the Islington Chinese Association.  It’s not just a place for (mainly old) people to get together and socialise, join in the activities (qigong, taiji, ping pong, karaoke, Cantonese opera, Chinese card games), eat in the canteen.  They also organise away-tours: pre-Covid, they’d go to Europe; now, they only go to other parts of the UK.  

What’s admirable is also that they run counselling sessions for alcohol and drug addicts (all non-Chinese, as it happens).  So, it’s not just a place that serves the Chinese community, but the community at large.  

It’s a place with a truly charitable spirit.

(London, 2022)

True charitable spirit: 02 (London)

The Friday kitchen team at the Islington Chinese Association is a different group of people from the Tuesday to Thursday one. 

The assistant is Bobby whose wife is a volunteer at the reception on Fridays.

Yesterday there were two ladies I’d never seen before: a younger one (40s? 50s?) with an older one (70s? 80s?). Not sure if they’re related.

At one point before lunch was served, I saw that the old lady was in tears. (She was earlier talking to Bobby’s wife when she got in, talking about something unhappy by the looks of it.) 

Bobby, in spite of being needed in the kitchen as lunch was about to be served, kept consoling the old lady, saying sympathetic and supportive things, “Let’s go for a cup of tea later, OK?  Don’t dwell on it, OK?”  He's a big man, but he was so gentle with her.

It was the way he was handling her that moved me: so kind and caring.

(London, 2022)

True charitable spirit: 03 (London)

The Friday cook at the Islington Chinese Association is a lady called Hou jiě (Sister Hou). 

During the wild garlic season, I was picking wild garlic regularly and giving bunches away to people, mostly the ones at the centre, including Hou jiě. 

One Friday, I went in with another lot of wild garlic, and offered a bunch to Hou jiě.  She said, referring to her assistant Bobby (whom I’d not spoken to before — I’d only seen working him around the kitchen), “You’ve already given me some.  He hasn’t had any yet.  Give them to him.”  So altruistic.

I then went out to the reception and offered some to the reception volunteer.  As I was filling a bag, Bobby came out and said, “She’s my wife, you’ve already given me some, so let someone else have this lot.”  So kind and generous.

It’s such a caring place.

(London, 2022)