Even the dog has to do it (Singapore)

A very sharp-eyed PhD student from China made the observation that I always eat my food in such a way that leaves the plate totally clean.

This brings to mind what I used to do with my pet dog, Bear Bear.

In our family (not sure if other Chinese families do the same thing), we’d feed our dog and cat rice and some fish/meat and veg.  Not really a deliberate choice: there was no commercial dog food in those days; the (southern) Chinese diet is practically always rice-based, so the family pets got what the rest of the family ate.

I’d stand by my dog Bear Bear and make sure he finished all his food.  I’d point out the grains he’d not picked up, “Here, you missed this one,” and he’d eat it.  I’d then point out another one, “There, you missed that one,” and he’d eat it — every single one until the dish was completely empty.  Such a compliant dog, putting up with me and my fussiness!

(London, 2022 / Singapore, 1960s–70s)

Students making mistakes (London / Paris)

Student in Paris has been missing lessons here and there for various reasons (health, etc.), and is starting to forget more and more of her Chinese (and English since she moved back to Paris because of Brexit).

As she’s 78, I think it’s already remarkable that she should want to be carrying on at all with the gruelling routine of learning Chinese.  I’ve always said, “It’s attitude, more than aptitude, that counts.”

During last week’s lesson, as she was discovering more gaps in her Chinese, she started to apologise.  

My attitude about students learning Chinese is that unless they’re taking an exam, in which case they’ll just have to knuckle down and get on with it, what’s most important is for them to enjoy the learning.  

With this student, the most elderly in my current small clutch, it’s even more important that she should not be reminded yet again of her failing memory.

So, to help lift her out of her depression about this, I said to her, “If students don’t make mistakes, I’ll be out of a job!”

She laughed — long and loud.

(London / Paris, 2022)

True charitable spirit: 01 (London)

I teach Mandarin and English at a north London Chinese community centre, the Islington Chinese Association.  It’s not just a place for (mainly old) people to get together and socialise, join in the activities (qigong, taiji, ping pong, karaoke, Cantonese opera, Chinese card games), eat in the canteen.  They also organise away-tours: pre-Covid, they’d go to Europe; now, they only go to other parts of the UK.  

What’s admirable is also that they run counselling sessions for alcohol and drug addicts (all non-Chinese, as it happens).  So, it’s not just a place that serves the Chinese community, but the community at large.  

It’s a place with a truly charitable spirit.

(London, 2022)

True charitable spirit: 02 (London)

The Friday kitchen team at the Islington Chinese Association is a different group of people from the Tuesday to Thursday one. 

The assistant is Bobby whose wife is a volunteer at the reception on Fridays.

Yesterday there were two ladies I’d never seen before: a younger one (40s? 50s?) with an older one (70s? 80s?). Not sure if they’re related.

At one point before lunch was served, I saw that the old lady was in tears. (She was earlier talking to Bobby’s wife when she got in, talking about something unhappy by the looks of it.) 

Bobby, in spite of being needed in the kitchen as lunch was about to be served, kept consoling the old lady, saying sympathetic and supportive things, “Let’s go for a cup of tea later, OK?  Don’t dwell on it, OK?”  He's a big man, but he was so gentle with her.

It was the way he was handling her that moved me: so kind and caring.

(London, 2022)

True charitable spirit: 03 (London)

The Friday cook at the Islington Chinese Association is a lady called Hou jiě (Sister Hou). 

During the wild garlic season, I was picking wild garlic regularly and giving bunches away to people, mostly the ones at the centre, including Hou jiě. 

One Friday, I went in with another lot of wild garlic, and offered a bunch to Hou jiě.  She said, referring to her assistant Bobby (whom I’d not spoken to before — I’d only seen working him around the kitchen), “You’ve already given me some.  He hasn’t had any yet.  Give them to him.”  So altruistic.

I then went out to the reception and offered some to the reception volunteer.  As I was filling a bag, Bobby came out and said, “She’s my wife, you’ve already given me some, so let someone else have this lot.”  So kind and generous.

It’s such a caring place.

(London, 2022)

Genes skipping a generation (Beijing / London)

I’ve been asked to tutor a very bright six-year-old boy in his schoolwork, mainly because he has trouble focusing.  

James’s maternal grandma is from Yunnan in S.W.China, and has been learning English with me on and off.  James was born here in London, has an English father, goes to an English school, has English friends, doesn’t speak that much Chinese, yet bizarrely pronounces some of his English words just like his maternal grandma. 

Grandma will consistently do the Italian insert-a-vowel-after-a-consonant thing, so “did” comes out as “didda”, “bought” as “boughta”, etc.  James does that too, though not on the same scale.

Grandma pronounces “sport” as “si-port”, “spring” as “si-pring”.  Ditto James.

Yet grandma doesn’t really speak much to him on the phone as her English is still hardly good enough to make sense (although she’s been gaining confidence and trying harder and more often), so it can’t be that.

It was grandma who’d recommended me for the tutoring, saying to James’s mother, “I know the very person who can discipline him!”  So, I’ve been reporting back to her on James's progress (his marks have improved at school).  

On the subject of his English pronunciation being just like hers, I offered this explanation: “I’d heard that genes skip a generation, so it must be that!”

PS: (from googling) “...the expression or manifestation of genes — traits — can skip generations under some circumstances.”

(Beijing / London, 2022)

Philosophical names (Taiwan)

Colleague Alma at Conoco Taiwan was a mumsy kind of figure, in a positive sense:  gentle, soft spoken and kind.  I wish I’d got to know her better because she was a wise and calming person to be with.

Her husband’s surname is 鈄 Dòu, but it kept getting misread as 斜 xié, which means “oblique, slanting” — not a nice meaning at all when applied to a person as it means “not upright”, therefore dodgy or crooked.  Post would arrive addressed to 斜先生 (/ Xié xiānsheng / Mr Slanting).  He kept getting called that, as well.

So when the first son was born, they called him 鈄非斜 (/ Dòu Fēi Xié / “Dòu Not Slanting”), which is a good reminder, especially since the two characters are close together for any reader to see the difference.

For the second son, they came up with 非我 (/ Fēi Wǒ / “Not I”).  This is from the text 秋水 / Qiū Shuǐ / Autumn Floods, by the philosopher 莊子 (/ Zhuāng Zǐ / Chuang Tzu / Master Zhuāng, circa 369–298/286 BC), he of the famous I Dreamt I Was A Butterfly story.

Zhuang Zi and his disciple Hui Zi were looking at some fish swimming.  Zhuang Zi said the fish were happy.  Disciple Hui Zi said, “You are not a fish.  How do you know they’re happy?”  Zhuang Zi said, “You are not I.  How do you know that I don’t know the fish are happy?”

The third son got given the name 非非 (/ Fēi Fēi / “Not Not”), which therefore = "is".

These three boys (now middle-aged men) must be the only ones in the world with that combination of characters for their names, as well as having such wonderful stories behind them!

For those interested in the full context for the fish story, I’m reproducing it below:

莊子與惠子遊於濠梁之上。莊子曰：「儵魚出遊從容，是魚樂也。」惠子曰：「子非魚，安知魚之樂？」莊子曰：「 子非我，安知我不知魚之樂？ 」惠子曰：「我非子，固不知子矣；子固非魚也，子之不知魚之樂全矣。」莊子曰：「請循其本。子曰『汝安知魚樂』云者，既已知吾知之而問我，我知之濠上也。」

For a translation, see (among others):

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/09608788.2019.1667294

*baidu.com says of 鈄 dòu: (my summary) it’s a kind of cauldron used in ancient China; those with this surname are found scattered around in modern-day Zhejiang province and Taiwan.

鈄為釜，支子別姓鈄氏。 鈄姓，在《百家姓》中排名第246 位。鈄姓，中國姓氏，漢唐時以遼西郡為郡望，說明在當時河北有鈄姓族人。如今在浙江縉雲、開化及台灣等地有零散分布。

(Taiwan, 1976)