My “spouse” (London)

A student, Tim, who used to attend my evening classes was transferred to Hong Kong for a few years.  When he got back, his company was approached by a mainland Chinese bloke about Mandarin classes for their employees, so they took him on.  It turned out that he only used his own teaching experience to get a foot in the doorway, for he then sent someone else along to do the teaching.  In this case, a young woman from Sichuan in her early twenties.

This young lady would often turn up five minutes late, but leave on the dot.  She’d also come to class without having prepared enough material for the full hour, so that after 40 minutes, she’d run out of material.  She’d then say, “Oh, can you go and do a photocopy of this for me.”  By the time the student got back from the photocopying, it was time for her to leave.

One day, when talking about his (gay) partner during a conversation class, Tim used the mainland Chinese term 爱人 (àirén / “love person”), which is for one’s spouse (applicable for both husband and wife).  

The young lady teacher wrinkled up her nose and said, “No, no, no, no, no!  It’s such an old-fashioned term!  Nobody says that anymore!!”

Tim then said, “我的丈夫 [wǒ de zhàngfu / my husband].”  

The teacher said, “No, 太太 [tàitai / wife]!”  

Tim said, “丈夫.”  

Teacher: “No, no, 太太!”  

Tim: “丈夫.”  

Teacher: “No, no, no, 太太, 太太!”

Tim said, in English, “I’m gay.”

Silence, as the teacher tries to process this.  Then, a climb-down:  “OK, 爱人 then.”

Tim thought, “One nil!”

(London, 2012)