Sanity-challenging conversations: 7 (London)

A visitor arrived from Beijing to see her daughter, and wanted me to go shopping with her.  On the bus on the way back to her daughter’s flat, she took out a bag of small packets of processed fish — like tinned fish but in packets instead, opened one small packet and started to eat the contents.  

She took out another packet and offered it to me.  This is the conversation that ensued.

She: This is absolutely delicious.  Have some [now].  

Me: Thank you, but I won’t eat it just yet, because I’m teaching in two hours’ time and the student hates fish.

She: It’s really yummy.  Try it.

Me: Thanks, I’ll do that tomorrow when I’m not teaching.  I’m sure it’s delicious.

She: Try it, it’s so tasty, have some [now].

Me: I’m sure it is, but like I said, the student I’m teaching later hates fish, so I don’t want to be breathing fish-breath at him during the lesson.  I will try it at the weekend.

She: It’s really nice.  Have some [now].

(London, 2011)

Marital bliss: 6 (London)

American John was doing his PhD at SSEES (School of Slavonic and East European Studies), University of London, when he started going out with Brazilian Celia who was doing Japanese at SOAS.

She'd call him gringo*, he said, never John.

One night, he was woken up by her shaking him, "John!  John!  Wake up, John!"

He said, "I knew I was in trouble when she started calling me John."

Sure enough, she'd just had a dream in which he was kissing another woman, and was very angry with him.

(London, 1980s)

*gringo | ˈɡrɪŋɡəʊ | noun (plural gringos) informal (in Spanish-speaking countries and contexts, chiefly in the Americas) a person, especially an American, who is not Hispanic or Latino.  ORIGIN Spanish, literally ‘foreign, foreigner, or gibberish’.