Smiling at strangers (London)

At the Wood Green library.  

Two old men by the wall are talking loudly.  I happen to turn my head round.  They pause.  I decide to smile, to let them know I'm not looking at them on account of their talking loudly.  

A few seconds later, one of them calls out, "Hello!"  I turn my head round.  He says, "You're very nice!"

I then hear them discussing (in Greek or Turkish) women from Philippines, Vietnam, Singapore.

I must be careful not to be so ready to smile at old men next time...

(London, 2019)

The irony of it (London)

At the library featured in blog "An uncharacteristic library":

Male social worker (a different one from the usual, older man) rings a number for a lady client (in her 70s?), and hands her the phone.  

She shouts (Turkish or Greek) into the phone, then passes the phone back to him when done after a couple of minutes.  

He also bellows into the phone to the other party, "I'M PHONING YOU FROM THE LIBRARY WHERE IT'S QUIET."

 (London, 2019)

Appeals to protestors (London )

During the Anti-Capitalist May Day demonstrations of 2002, shop windows were smashed, among other things.

One shop had this notice on their shop window:  

“Dear May Day Protestors, 

Please kindly do not smash our windows.  

Thank you.”

Underneath the notice were two helpful arrows, pointing in opposite directions, with “Starbucks” below one and “McDonalds” below the other.

Another one was a letter in the papers:

“Dear May Day Protestors, 

Please do not thrash our office.  

We are perfectly capable of doing it ourselves from within.

[signed] Staff, Arthur Andersen” 

(Arthur Andersen ceased operations in 2002)

(London, 2002)

Advice from a man (London)

The floating pub kitchen ran out of fish fillet for the fish and chips dish, so I was sent out to the cash and carry place (selling to caterers, not to the walk-in public) to buy some.  It was my first time there on my own.

Picked up a trolley outside — like one of those airport trolleys for conveying luggage: flat and long.  Customers obviously buy in bulk here.

Had difficulty pushing the trolley through the entrance.  It was reluctant to move forwards, and kept veering left into the wall.

An employee who spotted this — an Indian man in his 50s — said to me, “Don’t push it.  Pull it along, like you would a husband, and it'll follow you.”

(London, 2019)

*See also Marital bliss series (1-6)

Wrong-footed again! (London)

A young lady customer came for three pints.  

I: “How many are male drinkers, how many female?”  

She: “Two male, one female — me.”  

I: “I’ll give the men the jugs, and you the tall elegant glass then.”  

She: “No, let’s do it the other way round!”  

I: “You've wrong-footed me!  That’ll teach me to be so sexist!”  

We had a good giggle over that.  I’ve been telling other customers this tale since.

(London, 2019)

Outdone in my own attempt to surprise people: 01 (London)

At the Wood Green pub, whenever I see a birthday crowd celebrating during my shift, I'd ask for the birthday girl/boy to be identified, then go up and sing the Happy Birthday song in Mandarin to her/him.  Always goes down a treat, as they recognise the music although they don't know the language.  It usually earns a round of wild applause, with everyone enjoying the surprise as much as the birthday girl/boy.

On two occasions, I was the one to be surprised.

The first one was over a year ago when, after I started singing the first line to the birthday girl (an English girl in her 20s), she then joined in with the Cantonese version.  We finished the song together, me in Mandarin, her in Cantonese.  She'd attended school in Hong Kong in her teens!

The second one was last week when I was helping out at the floating pub moored on the south shore of the Thames.  On the upper deck was a big group of mainly Spanish speakers, celebrating someone's birthday.  When I finished singing the song to the birthday girl (a Spanish speaker), she turned round and said, "谢谢你，阿姨 / xièxie nǐ, Āh Yí / Thank you, Auntie!"  I was so taken aback: "你会说中文！你怎么会说中文?!? / You can speak Chinese?  How is it you can speak Chinese?" She said, "当然啦，我在北京住过三年! / Of course, I'd lived in Beijing for three years!"

(London, 2018 / 2019)

Outdone in my own attempt to surprise people: 02 (London)

Writing the birthday song blog, I’m reminded of what I tried to do to Satoshi Kitamura, a (now very famous) children’s illustrator friend of mine, back in 1981.

I’d come across a trick cigarette lighter in a magic tricks shop.  It squirts out foam when the user depresses the little lighting lever.

When Satoshi came round the next time to my flat and was about to have a cigarette, I handed him the lighter.  For some breath-stopping seconds, he examined it (he must’ve suspected something), turning it round, so that when he depressed the little lever, the foam went all over ME!

I never tried that trick again on anyone after that.

(London, 1981)